Typical Ramblings, Atypical Nonsense

Changing My View From Failure to Setback

>> Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Last week my first intention towards wholeness was to re-read Weight Release A Liberating Journey. This is probably the 4th time (at least) that I have read this book in less than a year. I absolutely love this book. Every time I read it, I learn something new. I think it's probably because every time I read it I'm in a different place in my life so certain things just really click.

While reading the book this week I took copious amounts of notes. This is the first time I've actually done that while reading Weight Release. There is no way I can share everything in this post that spoke to me while reading; so I will be including some of it further along in my journey as I explore different aspects of my life.

There is one part though that I want to share today. This really puts into perspective where I am at and have been for the last few months.

If you are going to climb, if you are going to challenge yourself to expand beyond your present circumstances, you will ultimately be forced with setback.

However, if you view the setbacks as temporary and you truly grasp the learning opportunity in the experience, you will ultimately reach new heights.

Back in November when I miscarried, everything just stopped. Before that point I was really moving forward in my life. I was applying the things I learned in Weight Release, and I was releasing weight, but more importantly I was really beginning to have a deep, personal, loving relationship with myself.

Then November 22 came, and it all stopped. Even though everyone told me and even though deep down I know it wasn't my fault; there was a voice inside of me trying to convince me that - I was too overweight too carry a baby, that my previous c-section was the cause & if I'd just done ____ then I wouldn't have had the c-section, that I had done too much those first weeks and I should have taken it easy, that...and the list goes on.

Everyone told me to take care of myself, be kind to myself, give myself time...didn't they realize Christmas was coming? I didn't have time to "fall apart". I figured if I did what they said, that's exactly what would happen - I would fall apart. I've never felt grief and pain like that. And I felt like I was so new into my journey and trying to approach things differently - I didn't know how to cope or how I would cope. So I made a conscious decision to do what I know. I shoved my emotions down (literally) and continued on - because Christmas was coming & people were depending on me.

But what about me?

I've spent the last 3 months (roughly) feeding my feelings - finding comfort in food. When the voices get loud I quiet them with distractions - cleaning, music, anything so that I don't have to sit quietly and feel the pain and now the hate. The hate is back. I hate that I have put on weight - the voice that says "well it's your fault; you've done this too yourself". The voice that says you are no good. So many negative thoughts have crept their way back in...

So that's the brutal honesty of where I am at. But it's just a setback. That's all. There is another quote that really struck me when reading:

Pain is a part of life but suffering is optional. ~ Dr. Ron Hulnick

Today I am no longer going to suffer. I'm going to forgive myself for buying into the negative voices, for not being courageous and working through my pain and grief, for not putting myself first and loving myself. I am blessed. Really! I know what is possible. I've already started to walk in the path of self-love. I know what that feels like. I know that it's not always going to be easy and this pain that I've felt may not be the only time I will feel it, but I can learn how to navigate it better. I can learn how to keep my peace, love, and joy in times of great sorrow. I want to take a leap of faith and get off the path I am on. Amazing things are on the horizon.

Living well is an art that can be developed:
a love of life and ability to take great pleasure from small offerings and
assurance that the world owes you nothing and that every gift is exactly that, a gift.

~Maya Angelou

Because this post is already exceptionally long, I'm going to put my intentions for this week in a separate post.

☮peace.♥love.☺joy

Today I Begin - Becoming My Best Me

>> Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Yesterday I was talking to a friend, giving her some advice (hmm I wonder now if that advice was wanted...). Basically I was telling her just to "do." How she's read all the books and she's made lots of plans and at some point she just has to do. How that waiting to for the "perfect plan" or the "perfect starting point" is holding her back from actually achieving what she says she wants.

Well, no sooner had I finished telling this to her, when I heard a voice tell me "You're one to talk. Maybe you should try taking your own advice." gasp! But it's true. I've been doing the same thing as my friend, just in a different area of my life.

I came up with this (what I think is) a great vision regarding some of my "New Year's Goals" & self-love. I've been putting off getting started for many different reasons - waiting for the "perfect day", the "perfect title", someone else to give me the go-ahead. Really what I think it all boils own to is resistance - fear of the unknown (which really isn't that unknown), fear of the work that I know is going to be involved, fear of letting go of...well, a lot of things.

*Deep breath*

But I know what is on the other side of that fear is the gold. I have to walk through the metaphorical fire to get to the gold. So many times we imagine that fire to be a lot bigger and hotter than it really ends up being too. I want that gold! I can see the gold; I can visualize the life I want. So today I start the journey - My Service To Self Journey - Becoming My Best Me.

I have a basic idea (vision) of what I want to do on this journey. I'm sure as things progress my ideals may change and that's okay too. If you've read my blog before you know that I have worked with Freeman Michaels in the past doing the Weight-Release Program. The Weight-Release program at the core is so much more than just about weight; it's about changing your life. So I've decided I'm going to start this week with re-reading Weight-Release A Liberating Journey.

Each week for however long (I really only have a vision - the plan will just happen); I'm going to work on some aspect of my life that I want to change or cultivate.

This is going to be an exciting journey! I'm so excited to see how this is going to unfold and how my life is going to change for the better. Hold on for the ride - it might get bumpy but it's sure to be exciting!

Play with life, laugh with life, dance lightly with life, and smile at the riddles of life, knowing that life’s only true lessons are writ small in the margin. Whatever you want in life, start today. Not tomorrow - today. Let it be a small beginning - a tiny beginning. Your happiness depends on starting today - every day! LIVE! ~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie.

***Service To Self and the Weight Release Program used with permission from Freeman Michaels. To learn more about Service To Self, Weight Release, or Freeman Michaels please visit his website.***

☮peace.♥love.☺joy