In Search of Me

>> Friday, February 19, 2010

Priority \Pri*or"i*ty\, n. [Cf. F. priorit['e]. See Prior, a.]

1. The quality or state of being prior or antecedent in time, or of preceding something else; as, priority of application.

2. Precedence; superior rank. --Shak.

Priority of debts, a superior claim to payment, or a claim to payment before others.

Syn: Antecedence; precedence; pre["e]minence.

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)
I've been absent from my blog this week because priorities have been on my mind.  Mostly the lack of putting myself as a priority. This is going to be a very hard post for me to write. I'm going to be admitting some things that are very difficult for me to admit.

I've been skipping out on Menu Plan Monday posts because I (once again) have had to stop raw eating.  I know that this way of eating is what is good for me.  It is what will work for me to lose weight and be healthy.  I've had glimpses of this during the periods of time that I have been able to stick with it.  This time it isn't a lack of will power or determination that has stopped me, but a lack of funds.  It is really expensive to eat raw. Even though I'm the only one of the five us eating raw it would add up enough extra to our budget that grocery shopping was costing over 200 dollars a week. Yes, you read that right - a week! I just can't justify that right now.  Not when I am a stay at home mom and we are relying solely on my husband's pay check.  So for the time being I am putting raw eating on the back burner.

For the last 2-3 weeks since I stopped buying all the stuff for my own special meals I haven't even payed attention to what I have been putting in my body. This is not good. Not good for weight loss, not good for my physical health, and not good for my mental health.  I shouldn't say I haven't been paying attention, because oh how I have. But I eat whatever and then I beat myself up mentally for it. I know all the right things to do, all the right ways to eat but I still choose to eat junk or way too much. I eat to deal with emotions, stress, boredom and lastly hunger. I'm also good for putting off eating until I'm so hungry that I will just eat whatever is ready to eat right now. 


And let's talk about exercise. Yeah, I've decided I'm just lazy. Well, that's not entirely true but when it comes to exercise it is true. I will do anything to not exercise.  I will make up excuses (that may or may not be valid), I will be so busy (this is true - partially) that I just don't have time to exercise.  I bought the Just Dance Wii game and told myself that I would use that for exercise over the winter.  I've used it a grand total of one time. wow. pathetic.  What is true is that I won't give up time I spend playing with Little E during the day to exercise. I could be taking him for a walk in the stroller though, and I'm sure the fresh air would do him good. What is true is I won't live in a messy house to make time for exercise.  A messy house stresses me out - seriously. What is true is I spend time on the computer that I could be exercising but I want to have "down time".  Why don't I consider exercising, something that is good for me to be down time? Oh, well because exercise is work.  All that said, I know that if I really want to lose weight (especially if I'm not going to be eating raw) then I need to add in exercise.  I know that if I add in exercise I will start to have more energy.  I do want those things.  I do.

What all this boils down to is I am not on my priority list.  And if I happen to show up on it, I show up at the very bottom. I know that this week I've spent some time crying and thinking about myself and what changes I want.  I just don't know how to do it. I don't know how to make myself a priority. I don't know how to get it through my thick head that I must exercise and eat properly - whatever that is. At this point I'm going to say I don't know how to eat properly.  I've got it in my mind that they only way I can lose weight is by eating raw foods because I know it works and I'm not left feeling hungry like when I try to diet.  So what do I do? I mean I can't possibly be the only person out there that has felt this way.  Someone must have some words of wisdom or great advice.  How do you make time to take care of yourself if you're a stay at home mom?  A mom that is involved with her kids, likes a tidy house, likes to cook; how do I make this work for me.  I need a teacher.

I look in the mirror and I hate what I see (this is even worse since I had E and I have that c-section tummy now).  I am uncomfortable in my own skin.  I want to feel good about myself, I want to feel sexy, I want to be healthy and fit. How do I find my way there? At this point I am at a loss.  I'm going to try spending some time this weekend thinking about this, searching for answers and hoping that maybe someone out there can help me.

6 comments:

Cathy February 20, 2010 at 12:27 AM  

Oh Krista...I just had to read this overtired at 11 p.m. In some ways we are are very similar..put others first, overweight, need to eat healthy, and trouble fitting in and making exercise a priority. Funny, I could think of so many ways to movtivate you and be your cheerleader, but I don't do the same for myself. We, too, live on one income and I don't do a raw diet, but I feel what I do eat is really healthy. My hugest challenge is the exercise. How about we make a deal? Accountability is the KEY. Let's be accountable to each other, maybe on a weekly basis? What do you think? I know it will look different since you have a little one, but we CAN do it together!! Email me: cathy at letsbegreentogether dot com and let me know what you think.

Angela February 20, 2010 at 7:12 AM  

Hi Krista,
I can totally relate as well. I'm not sure if you read MY blog post from earlier this week? I started started the weightwatchers online program on monday because I HAD to take back control of my eating. It has worked for me in the past, a few years ago I lost 28 lbs on it and felt AWESOME!

One thing that I do now is write down every single little thing that I eat. I have a clipboard in the kitchen with blank points tracker sheets and this has worked for me.

-Angela

Krista February 20, 2010 at 8:34 AM  

Cathy - I will be emailing you this morning (soon as my eyes are open good ;) ) Thanks for offering to be my exercise partner :)

Angela - I did read your post, I was going to comment but I dunno, lacked the words. I have some things to tell you now, but I'll do it over on your post. :) I've thought about weight watchers but the spending the money to do it - I'll have to check it out again. I just wonder if doing the online one would even work for me or if I need to go in person to actually make it work?

LadyPiper February 21, 2010 at 11:52 PM  

Krista - I've been doing a "Booty Camp" with one of the T-Tapp senior trainers this month. She's a vegan - has eaten this way for 35 years. She promotes Dr. McDougall's way of eating - based on starches, but still lots of fruits and veggies. I've been trying it out and I feel a lot more settled, iykwim. The free 12-day program will give you an idea of what it's about.
http://www.drmcdougall.com/free.html
I believe that the archived newsletters have tons of recipes.
If you poke around the site, you'll find the science he presents for his views. Very interesting. So.. even though I still eat a lot of raw, I'm incorporating whole grains and beans/legumes/peas back into my diet. HTH
Val ~

Amy Brown February 22, 2010 at 8:45 AM  

I'm sorry to read you're not feeling good about things. The good news is you've realized that you're not happy with how things are so you can work towards making things better. I feel the same as you do with eating bad and lacking exercise. It's really hard to find the time! Best of luck.

Krista March 9, 2010 at 8:19 PM  

Val - Thank you very much for the link. I've looked at it a little bit, I'm going to spend sometime going over it in depth very soon.

Amy - it really is hard. I honestly don't get how some moms can seemingly do it all. I'm just not finding the hours in my day...

Post a Comment

Share/Bookmark
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Blogroll

simple mom Organizing JunkiePaisley&PrettiesbabyREAD - The BlogNo Time For Flash CardsFeels like home

Blog template by simplyfabulousbloggertemplates.com

Back to TOP