Gentle Parenting During Toddler Tantrums

This post is written for inclusion in the Carnival of Gentle Discipline hosted by Paige @ Baby Dust Diaries. All week, April 26-30, we will be featuring essays about non-punitive discipline. See the bottom of this post for more information.

We've all heard it or said it "You need to stop throwing tantrums and be good!”. It's ironic that we put these expectations on our toddlers when even as adults we sometimes have our own little temper tantrums.

I'm a firm believer that when a child can do well he will do well. I believe this applies to children of all ages not just our toddlers.

We bring our babies home from the hospital and they cry. But we (hopefully) realize these cries are their only way to communicate with us. They lack the skills to communicate any other way aside from crying. So we spend countless hours responding to their cries and talking them through their cries “It’s okay baby, your diaper is wet but mommy is going to change it” or “Aww you’re a hungry baby! It’s time to nurse you again”. Gradually our babies start to tell us or show us what they need and the crying becomes less.

We reach toddlerhood with lots of words and the ability to communicate things they want and don’t want (haven’t we all heard “No!” a million times today?) and our expectations suddenly sky-rocket. Our little one wants something in the kitchen or at the store and we say “just a minute” or “I’m sorry, but we aren’t buying that today”. And.Then.We.Wait. For the meltdown to begin. And once it starts, I don’t know about you but I really wish there was a magic way to stop it. I’ve been dealing with the tantrums head-on for awhile now and I’ve been trying to “come to terms” with them if you will.

In my reflections and reading about tantrums, I’ve realized that just because my little guy can talk it doesn’t mean that he has the ability or the skills to express how he is feeling. He is not able to say “Mom, it’s making me very frustrated that I can’t fit this square block into the circle slot.”, so he’s left to throwing a tantrum to express himself.

What can we do to help our children through and to get over throwing tantrums?

• We can give them the words they are lacking. Just like we did when they were infants “I know it’s frustrating for you when the toys don’t work like you want. Would you like some help?” Recently I’ve been reminding him in a calm voice to use his words. I tell him I don’t understand what you want when you are screaming at me; you have to use your words. Sometimes it works, he’ll stop crying and I can help him find the words he needs.
• We can lower our expectations. I don’t mean allow them to do whatever they want, but when we expect them to behave as two year olds our expectations will fall so they can actually meet them. They don’t understand when we say “Just a minute” – they have no concept of time so to them that would be like saying “Just wait an hour”. However, if we said “Just as soon as mommy puts these dishes in the sink I can get you juice”, then we might avoid a complete meltdown.
• We can try to avoid tantrum situations.

1. How often do we know that the kids are tired or hungry yet we still attempt that quick stop at the store on the way home? Either give the kids a snack before going in or try to run to the store when the kids are better able to handle a stop.
2. We can give our children notice of changes that will be taking place.
3. Offer choices when possible.
4. Try not to use the word no. So often we mean something other than no, such as stop or don’t touch. Sometimes just avoiding the word no will avoid a tantrum or three.

Sometimes no matter what we do there are going to be tantrums. It’s just part of being a toddler (teen or adult). What can we do once a tantrum is underway?

• Stay calm. I wrote recently, how sometimes I feel like joining him in his tantrum. But raising my voice or getting angry will only end up making the tantrum worse for both of us.
• Wait it out. Once the tantrum is in full force there is no reasoning or distracting. If we’re home I can offer to sit with him and hold him (sometimes this does work). When I hold him I validate his feelings and try to give him the words. Sometimes he tells me to “Go!” So I walk away a short distance (making sure he is safe) and wait until he calms down a little, then I’ll again offer to sit with him. If we are out somewhere I try to take him someplace private (I’m sure it’s embarrassing for him as well when he can’t control himself & people are looking at him) or we will just leave if we are able.
• Don’t give in. If the tantrum is because he wants something now is not the time to give it to him in order to stop the tantrum. He will remember this and use this tool in the future many more times.

As your child gains the skills to handle themselves and their emotions let them know they’ve done well “Great job for not throwing the toys when they didn’t work the way you wanted” or “Good job using your words, I can help you so much better when you tell me what you need”. They will realize this is good and appropriate behaviour and they will want (and be able if other stressors are favourable) to repeat it again next time. I don’t believe we need to praise them every single time they don’t have a tantrum, but the first couple times they handle themselves appropriately I think it’s ok to let them know they have done well.

I know as a parent of a toddler (and two pre-teens) it’s not always easy to keep your cool and remain patient. We’re human. I know I fail more times than I care to count. It’s important not to beat yourself up when you make a parenting mistake (perceived or otherwise). Start now when your kids are little of making it a priority to apologize when you’ve made a mistake (this teaches them it’s okay to admit when you are wrong and that even parents make mistakes). At the end of the day during nightly kisses or our last nursing session many times I’ve told my kids I’m sorry for losing my patience today, that I love them, and tomorrow I will do better. That’s the best any of us can do especially when we are dealing with multiple meltdowns a day.

More resources on dealing with tantrums:
Cry for Connection: A Fresh Approach to Tantrums
Abrupt, by Annie from PhD in Parenting
The No-Cry Discipline Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley
When Toddlers say No! - It's a good sign

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Welcome to the Carnival of Gentle Discipline

Please join us all week, April 26-30, as we explore alternatives to punitive discipline. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month in the USA and April 30th is Spank Out Day USA. In honor of this we have collected a wonderful array of articles and essays about the negative effects of punitive discipline methods, like spanking, and a myriad of effective alternatives.

Are you a Gentle Parent? Put the Badge on your blog or website to spread the word that gentle love works!

Links will become available on the specified day of the Carnival.

Day 1 - What Is Gentle Discipline

• Gentle Discipline 101 at The Parent Vortex
• The Power of Praise (hint: it's not what you think) at Mighty Marce
• Golden Rule Parenting at Novel Mama

Day 2 - False Expectations, Positive Intentions, and Choosing Joy (coming Tuesday, April 27)

• Choosing Joy at Raising My Boychick
• Making It Fun - The Power of Play at Schmoopy Baby
• Assuming the Best Intentions at Hobo Mama

Day 3 - Choosing Not To Spank (coming Wednesday, April 28)

• 50's Childhood - Guest Poster, Connie at Baby Dust Diaries
• I Have The Urge To Spank But I Choose Not To at Breastfeeding Moms Unite
• Mistakes at Breastfeeding Momma
• Undermining General Beliefs about Corporal Punishment at Authentic Parenting
• Choosing Gentle Discipline at Hybrid Life

Day 4 - Creating a "Yes" Environment (coming Thursday, April 29)

• A Tiny Word With a Powerful Impact at Little Green Blog
• Parenting a Toddler With Loving Guidance at Little Snowflakes

Day 5 - Terrific Toddlers; Tantrums and All (coming Friday, April 30)

• A Positive View on Tantrums at Edenwild
• The Terrible Two (and Two Parenting Strategies to Replace Them) a guest post by Code Name: Mama on Good Goog
• Gentle Parenting During Toddler Tantrums at Typical Ramblings, Atypical Nonsense
• Gentle Parenting Ideas from a Toddler's Perspective at Code Name: Mama

Gentle Parenting During Toddler Tantrums

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Sapadilla Product Review & Giveaway (ENDED)

Winner Announced!!

Congratulations Deanna! I know you're going to love Sapadilla as much as I do! :)

I read about Sapadilla eco-cleaners on the web and I was so impressed by their product that I wanted to try it. After looking on their website I realized no one had their products locally. So I contacted Sapadilla to see if they would be interested in allowing me to review their product for my blog.  If I can find a great eco-friendly company that is also in Canada I want to share it with you! They agreed and they sent me three of their products to try :  their All Purpose Cleaner & Counter Top Cleanser  in Grapefruit & Bergamot, and a bottle of their Dish Soap in Rosemary & Peppermint.

A little bit about Sapadilla:

• They are manufactured completely in Canada.
• Their fresh aromas are made from 100% pure essential oil blends with no synthetic additives. These heavenly scents were created by a natural perfumist and add mood-lifting benefits to household chores.
• They use alkyl polyglucoside as the main surfactant, or cleaning agent, in all our products. This ingredient is highly effective and derived from naturally occurring sugars. It is also endorsed for products eco-labeled “Good Environmental Choice” by the Swedish Society of Nature Conservation.
• All of the ingredients are plant-based, derived from renewable resources like coconut, palm and corn oil. They do not use:
o Synthetic fragrance or dyes
o Sodium Lauryl Sulfate/Sodium Lauryl Ether Sulfate
o Petroleum-based solvents
o Phosphates
o Ethylene Glycol Ethers
o Chlorine
o Ammonia
o EDTA
o Formaldehyde
o Parabens
o Any other harsh or questionable chemicals
• They donate 1% of their revenues to 1% for the planet. (www.onepercentfortheplanet.com)
  
• They are against animal testing and say so on their packaging.
• Their clean, modern package design means are oh-so countertop worthy.
• You won’t find them at unsightly bigboxmart type stores.

I think this is one of the few truly green, eco-friendly companies out there and I'm so excited to share them with you!

 As soon as I recieved my box of products and tore into it, the first thing I did was smell the product. Oh My! They are lovely! I was immediately excited to start using them, I knew they were going to make my home smell great but I wondered if I would get the usual migraine I get when I use commercial cleaners. Guess what? No migraine! That's impressive!

 The first product I used was the All Purpose Cleaner.  I added 1 tablespoon to my bucket and added 4 liters of water and went to work on my floors.  The scent from the product was lovely and mood-lifting and my floors were so clean. There was no residue left on the floors, no stickiness, just nice clean floors. This is a generous bottle (600ml) and you only use a very small amount, so this will last a long time.

 The next product I used was the Countertop Cleanser. I used it on the bathroom counter and in the kitchen.  It contains Lactic Acid which is a natural sanitizer. Just spray and let sit for a few minutes and then wipe up. It worked great and smelled so good. My counters were clean, shiny and there was no sticky or gritty residue left behind.

The last product I used was the Dish Soap.  I think this was my favorite one of them all.  I really love the smell of the rosemary and peppermint.  Even the kids commented on the smell, a couple times they would come in the kitchen and ask what I was making because it smelled so good! I actually get a little excited when I have to wash the pans that can't go in the dishwasher because I get to use this dish soap, and I hate washing dishes.  Know what else, my hands aren't all dry and rough feeling after washing dishes. That's amazing. I've used it a few times just to wash my hands in between cooking jobs and it feels really nice, and moisturizing. That's not the same feeling I get using a commercial dish soap as hand soap.

 I really love using these products. I love using them so much that I'm going to see if I can get some local boutiques to carry Sapadilla products.  What a great opportunity to support an eco-friendly, Canadian company.

 So now that you've read about this great company and how much I loved using their products wouldn't you love to try some yourself?  Well you can!

Buy it: You can check the Sapadilla website to find a local boutique or an online retailer.

Win it: Sapadilla has graciously offered one of my Canadian readers the chance to win 1 bottle of Dish Soap in Rosemary & Peppermint and 1 Countertop Cleanser in Grapefruit & Bergamot. This makes a nice sink set.

Mandatory Entry: (remember to leave each entry in a separate comment box or it won't count)

• Visit Sapadilla and tell me what product is your favorite or something you learned about their company. (1 entry)

Here are some ways to get extra entries (remember the mandatory entry is the only required entry):

• Blog about this giveaway linking back to Typical Ramblings, Atypical Nonsense and Sapadilla; leave the URL where you did (4 entries)
• Follow Me with Google Friend Connect (1 entry)
• Subscribe to Typical Ramblings, Atypical Nonsense (1 entry)
• Follow Me on Twitter @Luvschweetheart AND Tweet about this giveaway; leave the URL where you did. (you may tweet once per day for an extra entry) (1 entry per day) #Win a sink set of Sapadilla Eco-Cleaners from @Luvschweetheart for Earth Day! http://bit.ly/bkXrmA *Canada ONLY* #Giveaway
• Become a Fan of Typical Ramblings, Atypical Nonsense on Facebook (1 entry)

You must leave your email in your comment so that I can contact you.

This giveaway is open to Canada only! Giveaway will end April 30, 2010 at 10:00 pm EST. A winner will be chosen by random.org and will be notified by email. I will announce the winner at the top of this post as well. You must contact me within 48 hours. If you fail to claim your prize, a new winner will be chosen by random.org and emailed. 

**Disclosure: I received the Sapadilla products at my request, free of charge in exchange for this review. The opinions expressed are my own**

Sapadilla Product Review & Giveaway (ENDED)

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Marcal Small Steps Review and Giveaway (ENDED)

Winner Annouced!!

Congratulations Kate! I hope you enjoy your Marcal Products! - Sadly Kate Didn't respond so I had to pick a new winner and that winner is:

Congrats Steph! Hope You will enjoy the Marcal products

I was contacted by Marcal Small Steps to see if I wanted to do a review for Earth month. Well, today is Earth Day and what better day to share my review with you!

Marcal Smalls Steps makes toilet paper, napkins, and paper towels from 100% premium recycled paper- not trees. It may seem like a small thing, but it actually adds up. If every household in the U.S. replaced one package of traditional toilet paper with Marcal Small Steps, together we could help save nearly one million trees. And, in your own home, a family of four could save two trees a year (17 trees over 10 years) just by switching to paper products made from 100% recycled materials.

For those of us watching our budgets (who isn’t?!), Marcal doesn’t have the “green premium” often attached to earth-friendly brands. In fact, Marcal Small Steps typically sells for less than traditional paper goods that are made by cutting down trees and often contain dyes and fragrances that Marcal doesn’t use.

My Review:

I was really excited to receive the line of Marcal products to try.  I'll be honest, we don't use a lot of paper towels in our home.  For most jobs I use microfiber cloths to clean with, and towels for spills but I do occasionally buy a package (2 roll) of paper towels.  That will last a long time in our house because it's mostly used when I cook bacon or something that needs to be set on something to get rid of the grease, so a roll can last a couple of months.  The Marcal paper towel was fantastic.  I loved that I could tear off a small piece or a larger piece. The paper towels I usually buy doesn't have that option.  I did use it for one small spill so I could see how absorbent it was and it worked like a charm. Did the job without falling apart too.

Marcal also sent me a package of 180 ct Napkins in a Drawstring Bag. Again we mostly use cloth napkins, but these will be nice for occasional use. I really liked the drawstring bag. I've bought napkins other times and there is no nice way to store them without napkins everywhere. The drawstring keeps everything neat and tidy and I like that!  They were very comparable to other napkins I've purchased in the past. They did a good job and held up well.

Our family is never going to be one of those families that uses Family Cloth in the bathroom - not for bath tissue or facial tissue. Maybe if I lived alone, but I'm never going to convince my husband or the kids to use cloth. So the option of buying a recycled bath tissue is fantastic to me.  I have to say the first day that I put the Marcal bath tissue on the roller to use everyone noticed a difference in the softness. It wasn't public restroom hard but it wasn't quite as soft as we were used to. After a couple of days of using it though I can honestly say it really didn't bother me anymore. So if you are used to that squeezably soft stuff and wanted to change to a more environmentally friendly option I think you could do it fairly easily.

The facial tissue was very comparable to the usual facial tissue I buy.  I only buy the lotion tissue if someone has a cold (those sore noses hurt!).  I didn't even notice a difference in the way it held up - it did a great job. Also not only is the tissue made from recycled paper the cardboard box for the tissue was too. :)

The Giveaway: Marcal Small Steps has graciously offered to giveaway a Marcal starter kit (worth $25) to one of my lucky readers. The starter kit features an assortment of Marcal paper products—toilet paper, napkins, paper towels and facial tissues. Perfect for somebody who wants to give Marcal Small Steps a try!

Mandatory Entry: (remember to leave each entry in a separate comment box or it won't count) The only thing you need to do is go to the Marcal Small Steps website and leave me a comment about something you learned about the company or products. It's that easy!

Really want to try Marcal Small Steps products? Here are some ways you can get extra entries: (remember to leave each entry in a separate comment box or it won't count)

• Blog about this giveaway linking back to Typical Ramblings, Atypical Nonsense and Marcal Small Steps and leave the URL where you did (2 entries)
• Follow Me with Google Friend Connect (1 entry)
• Subscribe to Typical Ramblings, Atypical Nonsense (1 entry)
• Follow @Luvschweetheart and @MarcalSmallStep on Twitter; leave a comment with your twitter id (1 entry)
• Tweet about this giveaway; leave the URL where you did. (you may tweet once per day for an extra entry) (1 entry per day) * #Win Marcal starter kit ($25 value) of recycled paper products from @Luvschweetheart & @marcalsmallstep  http://bit.ly/bkXb4V*
• Become a Fan of Typical Ramblings, Atypical Nonsense on Facebook (1 entry)
• Add Marcal Small Steps to your Facebook Friends (1 enrty)

*Remember these are all extra entries, the only one you are required to do to win is the mandatory entry.*

You must leave your email in your comment so that I can contact you.

This giveaway is only open to the US. Giveaway will end April 30, 2010 at 10:00 pm EST. A winner will be chosen by random.org and will be notified by email. I will announce the winner at the top of this post as well. You must contact me within 48 hours. If you fail to claim your prize, a new winner will be chosen by random.org and emailed.

**Disclosure: I received the Marcal Small Steps products free of charge in exchange for this review. The opinions expressed are my own**

Marcal Small Steps Review and Giveaway (ENDED)

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Mamavation Monday - April 12, 2010

Well another week down and another no change in my weight. It is my fault. At least there wasn't a gain so that's something.  I've not been eating junk but I know I've been eating too much in general. Rather than taking a second helping of veggies I would take a second helping of potatoes - yeah, not very weight loss conducive.  And exercise, well I did do some exercise but if I'm going to be honest with myself, I didn't do enough - not enough to lose weight.  If you want to lose it you've got to move it right? Right! And well, as the queen of excuses - I've always got a reason.  So, I need to ask myself - do I really want to lose weight.  Today I can honestly answer that with a yes.  I spent sometime this weekend paying attention to my feelings and emotions, thinking about what I need to do.  Biggest thing I noticed was I hate the way my body moves - I hate the way it feels. I feel bloated and heavy (and it's not water weight folks). I turn to food when it often times has nothing to do with hunger -stress, boredom, emotional upsets - all times you can find me in the kitchen.  I also use breastfeeding as an excuse - well I need to eat more, I'm breastfeeding. HELLO! The kid is 2, not a newborn.  Am I self-sabotaging for some reason I don't understand? I honestly don't know.

Tara from Feels Like Home is starting a Weight Release Journey, led by Freeman Michaels. He is the author of Weight Release, A Liberating Journey.
I've decided to join Tara and see if I can figure out what is holding me back from losing weight. I know all the things I need to do, so why am I just not doing it?

For the next 12 weeks I'll be joining Tara and the others on this weight release journey and I'll be blogging about it here on Tuesdays. I am really hoping that with this program I'll be able to break through some of the things that are holding me back from being who (what) I really want to be.  I think (hope) with this program and the help and support of my girls in The Sistahood, I'll be able finally lose the weight and be the healthy, vibrant me that I really long to be.

On another note I'm really excited to see who is going to be chosen for the next Mamavation Mom. I'm also excited for selfish reasons.  They are going to have to post their workout and meal plans that will be assigned to them, so I'll get to have a peek at that and I am leaning towards copying as much as I am able. I've read about the success the other Mamavation moms have had so I know it's really possible to use the system and have it work.  It's going to be an interesting week that is for sure. Hope it's a great one!

Mamavation Monday - April 12, 2010

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