>> Saturday, October 17, 2009
Day Five: Love is not rude.
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
This dare wasn't all that difficult for me to do. Does that mean that I don't think I'm rude? Of course not, we all have moments of rude behavior. When I was reading the chapter for this dare several things stood out to me.
"Do you wish your spouse would stop doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them.Sometimes I know that I am acting in a rude manner but I justify it by saying he does it too. That isn't right and that is something I need to work on. I know when we were dating and when we first got married I would go out of my way not to be rude. I always tried to be pleasant and kind. Oh how times have changed.
Three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage:
- Guard the Golden Rule: Treat your mate the same way you would want to be treated
- No Double Standards: Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and co-workers
- Honor Requests: Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do."
I ended up waiting to ask R the 3 things when he came home from work while we were sitting folding laundry. I was really surprised by his answers, because I had figured I already knew the three he was going to say. I have to admit I didn't just let him talk, well only on the first one I tried to clarify but the rest I just kept quiet and took in what he had to say.
1. When the baby wants up sometimes I tell him just a minute and I finish doing what I'm doing. He says this bothers him when I do this. I did clarify that many times I do this because when he wants up he wants to nurse. Sometimes I don't want to nurse right that minute and I'm also trying to teach him that he sometimes has to wait to nurse. He's 18 months old and sometimes we are in a situation where I can't nurse right there, so I think teaching him a little patience is a good thing. If E wanted up just to be held, I have no trouble stopping what I'm doing but I know how he works - he wants up, hugs me, then slithers into nursing position...
2. He says I'm harder on our oldest than I am the other kids. I didn't say anything to this one, but I will now. I don't see that I am. I guess maybe sometimes I am because Bub won't whine and cry where Bean will. So maybe I let Bean get away with more because I can't stand the whining and crying. I'll try to work on this.
3. He says that sometimes when we are having a discussion, I correct him and my tone makes him feel stupid. This one I admit to easily. I can sometimes have a condescending tone or sarcastic tone and I can see how that would make him feel that way. I will work on this. I really don't want him to feel like I think he's stupid because that is so far from the truth.
I also know there are other things I do that bother him, so even though he didn't mention them I will work on those things as well. I'm sure in the end it'll make me a much more pleasant person to live with. Really no one wants to spend a lot of time with someone who is rude, so change is good. :)
How was this dare for you? Did you have a hard time admitting to your faults? Were you surprised by the answers your spouse gave?
See how my friends who are also taking the challenge are doing:
@Peasinapod - Confessions Of An UnOrGaNiZeD Mom
@FlyingByFaith - Simply Complicated... That's Just Me...
@kjkmom2boys - Mom's Just One of the Boys
@ChainedAngel - Wanna Know What's for Supper???
@sherylk1515 - We are Never Alone
If you would like to join in the challenge just leave me a comment and a link to your blog and I'll add you to the list. :) P.S. It's never too late to join!