>> Thursday, October 15, 2009
Day 3: Love is not selfish
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”
Well that looks easy enough again doesn't it? That's what I thought when I read the dare on the web. Then I read the book. Oh yes, once again it pointed out to me how this day wasn't going to be easy if I really wanted to do it with my heart in the right place. I mean sure I could have just gone out and bought something and said "here dear, I was thinking of you today". And then I would have been done. But I read the chapter for this dare, and now it isn't so easy.
If there was ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness...Oh yes, this day was quite an eye opener for me. I mean, I know we can all be selfish sometimes. That is just human nature. But I sure have gotten good at being able to internally point out all the ways my husband was being selfish. Yet I would conveniently forget how I was being selfish in the relationship. My thoughts like "I spent all day cleaning this house spotless and he doesn't even say thank you or wow, the house looks great hun". Shouldn't I be finding making the home nice for our family reward enough. Don't get me wrong a compliment now and then would be great, but is that the reason I do what I do? Cause if that's the case I am really selfish. And that doesn't mean I won't clean unless I feel like I am in a "selfless mood" cause yeah, that's just an excuse to be lazy and that isn't good either. Let's also take into account yesterday's dare - how kind am I being to my husband when I think those thoughts. Again not very kind. Mostly because yes, I only think those thoughts to myself but with the negative thoughts come a negative attitude. I'll admit it, sometimes it can get pretty chilly around here and I'm not talking about the weather. All because I'm worried about when I will get my turn for a break, when I will get some acknowledgment or appreciation for the work I do, and the list goes on. I can sure be selfish too, it's defiantly not just my husband. And yesterday I got a big dose of reality - again!
...It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. Yet you can not point out the many ways your spouse is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too. That would be hypocritical.
...When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that is a sign of selfishness.
One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or to receive a reward...The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself.
Remember your marriage partner also has the challenge of loving a selfish person.
So I needed to come up with something to buy him to show him I was thinking of him. Well great, since the day before I lost 20 dollars so I was down to very little money. This in itself made things a struggle - do I go spend my last bit of money on him or...see there is that selfishness again. When he came home from work, I went and got the chair massage/heating pad thing so he could sit and relax for a bit (His back has been bothering him). Then I made supper and after that - still in track pants and sweat shirt (I hate leaving the house like that) I went up to the store and bought him a chocolate bar, a coke, and a lottery ticket - I didn't even by anything for myself. I know it doesn't sound like much, but we really don't have treats in the house so I thought it would be something he would enjoy. He did, and he thanked me a few times for doing that for him. It made me happy to just do something nice for him even if it wasn't much.
Remember when you were dating and you would do all those kinds of things all the time and how you would be so excited to just do anything for the person you loved. Yeah, that's what this reminded me of and it was nice.
So how did you do on day 3? Did you have a struggle with your inner selfishness or was this something that was easy for you?
Today's Challenge: Love is thoughtful - Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
See how my friends who are also taking the challenge are doing:
@Peasinapod - Confessions Of An UnOrGaNiZeD Mom
@FlyingByFaith - Simply Complicated... That's Just Me...
@kjkmom2boys - Mom's Just One of the Boys
ChainedAngel - Wanna Know What's for Supper???
If you would like to join in the challenge just leave me a comment and a link to your blog and I'll add you to the list. :)